


Elsa's 25th Birthday Party

by tbmd1066



Series: Hot Potato Prompts [1]
Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Pure Crack, that's all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 07:05:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1679204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbmd1066/pseuds/tbmd1066
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mysterious man in all black shows up at Anna and Elsa's party. It is Elsa's 25th birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elsa's 25th Birthday Party

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. We don't apologise

Elsa and Anna had been planning for weeks. It was finally time for Elsa’s birthday party, and half the kingdom had been invited. They had hired a decorator all the way from France, and a cook from Italy. Everything was going to be perfect. When the evening finally began, everything ran smoothly. But then the dance began. It seemed like fun at first. Anna in particular was enjoying herself, dancing away with nearly every guest. Elsa noticed a rather nice looking man off in the corner, and she was about to ask him to dance when she noticed a shadowy figure standing in the doorway.

“Anna?” Anna looked up from chatting with Kristoff.

“Yeah?” she rushed over. “What is it?”

“Do you know who that man in the dark coat is?”

Anna looked where Elsa was pointing. “Nope. Why?”

“I don’t either. I thought I had gotten to know all of Arendelle’s subjects by now.”

“It is one tiny ass fuckin’ Kingdom.” Anna agreed.

“Go talk to him.”

“But I’m talking to Kristoff.”

“No, you’re talking to me.”

“Why can’t you go talk to him.”

“See the guy over there?” Anna peered around Elsa.

“That is a damn fine piece of ass. Okay.”

“Thank you.” Elsa left to go speak with the handsome courtier, while Anna went to go speak to their new mysterious stranger.

* * *

 

Outside of the castle, Olaf was tapping on the window of the front door. Nobody noticed. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about him. He was so disappointed. He had gone outside to buy a new carrot (Sven had eaten his old nose), but had got caught up dancing to the music being played by a busker in the market square. And now he wasn’t at the party. Olaf wondered what Anna was up to at that moment. Anna’s thoughts, however, were far from Olaf.

* * *

 

She looked up and down the stranger. There was something about his face. It was so...mysterious. She licked her lips, hoping he would take notice of them.

“Hey wanna, uh, go up to my bed chambers...or something?? We could stop in the kitchen first!"

He gazed at her, a smile touched his lips. “oh Anna, I would love to.” He reached out his hand, and she took it gladly. “Lead the way."

She practically yanked his arm off as she dashed away, up the stairs and towards her bedroom.

Kristoff stared blankly up the stairs, confused.

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Elsa was chatting with the handsome courtier. A tall, dark man with bright eyes.

“So you’d never seen snow before?”

“No, I hadn’t! It was very alarming. As if the clouds were coming down to earth, but far less like a fairy tale.”

Elsa smiled in amusement. “Well, I’m sorry your first experience was so negative.”

“Not at all, your majesty, it was beautiful!”

Elsa smiled again, “Thank you. I don’t think I caught your name.”

“Bob.”

“Bob. That’s an unusual name.”

“Not really.”

“No.”Elsa blushed. Bob laughed. He had a very nice laugh.

“Do you dance, Queen Elsa?”

“Not really, no.”

“How can a European Queen not know how to waltz?”

“It’s... a long story.” Elsa smiled awkwardly.

“Well perhaps I can convince you to tell me. It must be interesting.”

 _Smooth motherfucker._ Elsa thought. “Very well then, if you insist.” She began to tell Bob the sad story of how she had come to fear herself, and her powers, and basically the entire plot of the movie. It didn’t take as long though, and there was less singing, less bad snowman jokes, and pretty much no Hans at all.

“That was super depressing except for the end bit.” Bob said.

“It’s not the end yet.” Elsa smiled. “Stories don’t end, just chapters.”

“Isn’t that a Doctor Who quote?”

“Kind of.”

“Painfully hipster.”

“Sorry.”

“I like painfully hipster.” Bob was really hot. Like, I-want-to-rip-your-tight-fitting-clothes-off-in-a-private-area kind of hot...

* * *

 

Outside, Olaf had found himself a way to get into the party. He had stolen a pick-axe from Kristoff’s sled and began to work his way up the castle wall. As far as he could tell, the closest window led to Anna’s room. That would have to do. Maybe Anna was in there and he could teach her a lesson for not making sure he was at the party. He climbed and climbed until he finally reached the window ledge, and then he smashed through the glass with the pick axe and dove into the room.

Once inside, he was horrified to discover a mysterious (yet muscular) man wrapping his arms around Anna and planting passionate kisses on her neck. In a fit of jealousy and rage, Olaf acted on instinct and tossed the pick axe in their direction. It entered into the stranger from behind with a loud crack as his spine split. Blood splurted out across the room, covering everything, including Anna. She _froze_ for a moment as the man’s limp body fell to the floor, still twitching. When he stopped moving altogether, she let out a high pitched wail. Olaf dove for his pick axe and yanked it out of the strange man. 

“This is what happens Anna,” He said, his breathing becoming heavy. “This is what happens when I don’t get invited to the party!” He leaped forth and began to stab Anna with the pick axe, his maniacal laughter ringing in the air. With each slash, Anna screamed and screamed, until she fell, and made no further sound. Olaf smiled, the blood dripping off his pick axe and pooling on the floor beneath him.

~

“OLAF!” Anna shrieked. “HOW COULD YOU BETRAY SVEN LIKE THIS?!” she sobbed.

Kristoff was sobbing much more, covered in the blood of his dear, dead reindeer. It was like a horrific christmas card; Sven and Kristoff, lying in a pool of crimson, Anna sunk to her knees in terror, Olaf standing completely still, satanic smile _frozen_ on his face.

Elsa stood at a distance, still clutching the squid, shaking in anger and disappointment. The squid was quickly covered in a layer of frost, placed there by Elsa’s bitterness.

“I knew nothing good could ever come of my powers.” she said, in a monotoned, empty voice. “Olaf.” she called.

Olaf turned to her, almost mechanically, not at all like the graceful beauty of Elsa’s snow magic. Elsa raised her hand, (the one not holding the squid) and tried to melt him.

Olaf suddenly remembered that he was a magic snowman. He closed his eyes, concentrated, and hummed really loudly. Suddenly, wings sprouted out of his back. He flapped them as hard as he could and ascended up to the ceiling. Elsa was too shocked to move, she just watched him with her jaw hanging open.

“I wonder how much MORE I can do!” Olaf’s voice thundered. He raised his arms, took a deep breath and----a rain of fire ascended on the castle. The entire building burned, and by morning was no more than ash. There were no survivors, aside from a maid who had left the castle only moments before to fetch some groceries in the town. It was a tragic tale that would never be forgotten by those remaining in Arendelle.

THE END


End file.
